Rasmussen sidelines RasPutin…

Pumpin'

Rassians, oops, Russian (men) seem to have this burlesque fetish for monstrous organs of cylindrical proportions!

The Akula class nuke-sub was probably the largest example of such a thing that could move around on its own, among natural fluids.

Next were, possibly the nukes themselves, with thousands in perpetual states of futile erection. Does it have anything to do with that legendary gentleman (he HAD to do it, gently, you see) made immortal by Boney’M in ’70s? I am told that his magnificent tool was painstakingly separated from his mortal remains, mummified with exotic potions and handed down as a treasured heirloom, for centuries!

This piece of information comes with solid underpinnings and is not just another cock-and-bull myth.

Recently, Russian custom car-shop, Prombron (no, it’s not dervived from what you think dirty bugger) dropped a plan to upholster it’s $1.5mn SUV interiors, with Whale Penis Leather. Don’t believe me? Check out page 10, Auto Bild India, Jan-1 2010 issue. Who saved the poor whales from losing their manhood? Greenpeace? Indulge me!

It’s not widely known if macho premier PUT-IN was put-off by this ecologically correct decision. Though, we are sure that agitators at Copenhagen could have had wet dreams just thinking about how appropriate a prop the now-aborted phallacy, I mean fellacy,  would make.

My poor knowledge of bio-chemistry (or for that matter of any other subject) notwithstanding, that rare touch of salty skin could have turned on vodka-limped russian billionaires to achieve release levels even their immortal love-machine would be proud of!

Instead the mammoth mammals are now having a whale of a time. Thank God for his “small (?)” mercies…